


Always on my mind

by queergirlElle



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Bodyswap, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Slow Burn, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-03-03
Packaged: 2019-10-29 21:15:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 15,848
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17815652
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/queergirlElle/pseuds/queergirlElle
Summary: After an accident at the DEO Alex and Kara have swapped bodies. Of course Alex is a good sister and goes to lunch with Lena and spends more time with her to uphold their... friendship.ORAlex and Lena go out on "friend-dates" and fall for each other while Alex is in Kara's body. Angst ensues.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello you beautiful people!  
> I saw this prompt from argyle-s on tumblr and had to write it: https://agentcorp4ever.tumblr.com/post/180507994141/free-plot-bunny  
> I hope you enjoy :)

Alex knew it had been a bad idea to allow Winn to play with unknown alien tech. But he had seemed so excited about it that she let him have the ray gun or whatever it was that they had found in the abandoned warehouse. Winn had always been a kid around technology, the only problem was that he therefore treated it like a toy.

It had been an almost too quiet day until that point. Alex and Kara just came back from a sparring session, when he excitedly shouted “I know what it does!”

He accidently pushed the button too soon and shot Alex and Kara with the light beam. They were paralyzed for a second, a weird tingle was spreading through their bodies, until the light disappeared. Everything still felt normal.

To be honest, someone should have seen this coming. Winn nervously chuckled and then carefully put the gun down, getting ready for Alex shouting at him.

“So, tell us what it does, now that you already shot us with it,” Alex furiously snapped.

“I thought it was a device for mind exchange, but you still seem normal so maybe that’s not it.”

He carefully took a few steps back as Kara tried to calm her sister down. They went into the lab for a check-up, but Winn couldn’t detect any changes in their minds. He just shrugged and promised a growling Alex that he would find out the true function of the gun as fast as he could.

Alex simply sighed and grabbed her jacket to leave. She couldn’t deal with this now. She’d already had a hard week and just wanted to relax. A few days ago, she’d almost lost an Agent on a mission and of course she only blamed herself for it. It had been under her command after all.  
For some reason, even hours of sparring with Supergirl hadn’t taken the edge off of her and now this. 

In the end, Alex left the DEO and went to a club to dance away her problems and it worked, even though she went home alone. She’d figured out some time ago that drunk hookups with strange women weren’t really her thing. She just liked flirting with them. And drinking with them.

When the redhead fell into bed, she felt a weird tickling in her whole body, but before she could think about it, she was asleep.

 

 

Alex woke up to the constant ringing of her phone. She groaned, her head hurt and her mouth was way too dry. She slowly opened her eyes to realize that this wasn’t her apartment. Had she really been so drunk that she had to crush at Kara’s?

Slowly, she sat up and grabbed the phone. Her long hair was tickling on her back. Wait- she didn’t have long hair. Alex looked down herself and ran her hands through her hair a few times before hurrying towards the bathroom. She looked into the mirror and Kara’s scared face was looking back at her.

Finally, she answered the phone that was still in her hands.

“Alex?” Kara’s shaky voice asked. “I think we might have a problem. 

 

 

Alex was so going to kill Winn for this. How could he just fire an unidentified alien gun at them? Both her and Kara quickly made their way to the DEO.

In the first moment, Winn didn’t know whether he should laugh or cry. He didn’t even flinch at Alex’s intense stare, because it just wasn’t the same coming from Kara’s face.  
They spend all morning trying to find a solution, but they still didn’t have an idea where the gun even came from. Alex groaned in frustration and buried her face in her hands. Hopefully, there wouldn’t be any emergencies for Supergirl today. It was hard enough controlling her powers while acting human. (She might or might not have broken Kara’s door knob this morning.)

“Hey, what’s going on here?” Lena asked as she joined the group. For a few months now the CEO had helped out at the DEO every now and then. Today was one of these days and she had probably heard them arguing way too loud. Good thing Alex had decided to put the super suit on this morning. It would have been no fun to explain to Lena exactly why Kara was at the DEO and also body swapped by unidentified alien tech.

“Well, Agent Schott body swapped us,” Alex growled, hands in her hips and still glaring at Winn. 

Suddenly, her eyes lit up and she almost hit Winn with her heat vision, but he managed to jump away just in time, letting out a panicked squeak that Alex would’ve made fun of in a normal situation.

“Shit, Winn, I’m so sorry,” Alex stumbled back. 

“Okay so who is this?” Lena asked. “Alex is that you in Supergirl’s body?”

Alex gave her a nod, her eyes still widened from the shock.

“Do you need help with that? Maybe we can find a way to reverse it,” Lena offered as she looked at the alien gun.

“I think I know what I need to do, but if I need help then I’ll call you, okay?” Winn answered and Lena agreed with a smile and wished them good luck.

Kara let out the breath she’d been holding the whole time. For some reason she’d thought that maybe Lena would see through this in a second. They turned back to find a solution while Alex started cleaning up the pieces of the table she’d just split in half.

Only a few minutes after Lena had left, Kara’s phone started ringing but everybody seemed to ignore it.

“Can you please answer?” Alex eventually asked.

Kara picked it up but then shoved it into Alex’s hands.

“You answer. It’s a call for Kara.”

Alex rolled her eyes but still answered the call with a soft “Hello?”

“Hey, it’s me.” Lena’s voice came through the speaker. “I wanted to ask if we’re still on for lunch? My meeting ended early so we could meet now if that’s okay?”

“Uhm…” Alex didn’t really know what to say. “Can you give me a second?” she said as she saw Kara wildly gesturing.

“What?”

“Please go to lunch with Lena.” Kara whispered. “I’ve cancelled on her twice last week.”

Alex sighed. There was nothing else to do than to wait for Winn to find a solution so she could go to lunch with Lena to pass time.

“Uhm Lena? Now sounds good, where do we meet?”

Lena seemed almost relieved at Alex’s words and they quickly agreed on a place. Kara mouthed a thank you into her direction and Alex simply sighed. Hopefully this would go by quickly.

 

 

When Lena spotted Kara in front of the restaurant, her face lit up like a Christmas tree. Alex smiled back and gave her a quick hug as they entered. This whole set up seemed weird. She had no idea how to act like Kara and also no idea what to talk about.

Also, Winn had given her a kryptonite necklace, which would dampen her powers but it make Alex feel a little nauseous. 

“I’m so happy we finally found time for lunch again,” Lena said once they were seated.

“Me too, sorry for cancelling the last time.” But Lena just shrugged it off.

Alex hoped that no one would sense her nervousness. It wasn’t easy acting like Kara, especially not in front of Lena. They were best friends so there was a chance Lena would notice that something was wrong.  
Alex looked through the menu, trying to find something Kara-like to order. In the end she decided for a burger with extra fries, knowing that it would mess with her diet. Then she stopped for a second and realized that she wasn’t in her own body and she also had a kryptonian metabolism. Alex grinned to herself and ordered a milkshake on top.

 

“You seem tired.” Alex looked up to meet Lena’s concerned eyes. Lena would never look at Alex like that. It seemed way too familiar.

“Yeah, I was at the Neverland last night and- “

“You were at a gay club?”

“You know the Neverland?”

“You do to, apparently.”

“Uhm yes, I was… I was there with Alex! Right… she didn’t want to go alone,” Alex cringed internally while speaking of herself in the third person. Great, this had gotten out of hand within five seconds.

“I could go with her next time, or with both of you. I know some people there.”

“You would go to a gay club with Alex?” she chuckled, still no idea how they had gotten here.

“Of course, I told you I’m not shy about my sexuality.”

“You are? I mean yes, you are!” Kara had never said anything about Lena being queer in any way.  
The brunette got lost in her head for a few seconds. Picking on some leaves in her salat.

“Or maybe that is a bad idea. I’ve never spent time with your sister outside of the lab. I’m not even sure if she really likes me.”

“Alex likes you, Lena. She just expresses that differently, I guess.” Alex cringed again. This was really fucking with her brain. She still gave Lena an encouraging smile.

Alex was about to say something when her phone rang.

“Speaking of the devil… Hi Alex.”

_“It’s Kara.”_

“You don’t say.”

Kara groaned at the other end of the line.

“Winn thinks he might have found a solution for our… eh problem.”

“Okay, I’ll come by after lunch,” she said and ended the call. For some reason she didn’t want to leave Lena just yet. That girl didn’t get out of her office often so they could at least finish lunch.

“So, Kara told me-, no wait I’m Kara.”

Lena let out a sweet chuckle, as if this was something normal-Kara would say as well.

“You told me your new project involves polyanions in unnatural habitats and…” Alex trailed of for a second. This was harder than she’d thought! “And I googled what that is so now you can tell me about your work and I actually know what you’re talking about.”

Alex finished her sentence with a smile. That was smooth, she applauded herself in her head.  
Her smile got even bigger when she saw how Lena’s eyes lit up. The brunette started talking about her research so passionately and Alex was glued to her lips.

They talked for way too long and Alex was surprised as she looked at the time. They bickered about who should pay for a minute. In the end Lena won, simply because was faster than Alex. They got up from the table and grabbed their stuff.

“This was really nice,” Lena said with a smile. “I never thought you could be so passionate about my work.”

“Yeah well, I’m full of surprises,” Alex chuckled nervously.

“Do you want to have brunch again sometimes this week?”

Alex agreed and before she realized it, she was wrapped into a tight hug by the smaller woman. Now that she thought about it, she’d never been so close to Lena. They only ever shook hands or gave each other an encouraging pat on the back when they were in the lab. But now Lena’s arms were completely wrapped around Alex’s body (or well, Kara’s body).  
As Alex breathed in the sweet scent of Lena’s perfume, she realized that this hug was definitely longer than average, but Lena showed no sign of pulling back.

They only stopped when Lena’s phone rang. It was Jess telling her that her next meeting would start soon. Alex made her way back to the DEO, Lena’s warm smile and strong arms still in mind.

 

 

“Alex! There you are!” Winn said as he came jogging towards her. “Wait you’re still Alex, right?”

“Yes? Isn’t that the reason I’m here?”

“You’re right, sorry,” he cringed. “Come on! I spend all morning on this and I think it might just reverse everything back to normal. If it works the way I planned.”

“Good, I can’t wait to be in my own body again.” 

Alex groaned when she saw her own cheerful self, making her way towards them.

“I had so much fun today!” Kara declared loudly.

“It’s so weird to see Alex smiling like that,” Winn laughed and earned an angry look from Alex, which didn’t really come across from Kara’s face. A fact that Alex still had to accept.

“When I tell people what to do, they actually listen to me!” Kara giggled again.

Alex just rolled her eyes. “Can we please get to it now?”

“Yep, just stand here and I’ll point this at you.”

Winn took a few steps back and pointed the alien gun at them. It lit up blue for a second before making a weird rickety noise and then nothing followed.

“Really?” Alex groaned.

“No, wait, I got it!”

This time they were hit by the blue light beam. They both felt a tickle pass through their bodies and then the light disappeared and nothing happened.

“Are you still me?” Kara asked and Alex looked down her body and nodded.

“Maybe you need to sleep for it to sink in or something. Just like last time,” he shrugged.

“If I wake up tomorrow and I’m still Kara, I’ll beat your ass, Schott,” Alex said and turned around to leave.

“I’ll beat your ass, Schott,” Kara imitated her sister.

“See, having Alex’s face say it makes it ten times scarier,” Winn chuckled and Kara joined in.

“I heard that, Schott!” Alex shouted all the way across the room and Winn and Kara ran away as fast as they could.

 

 

When Alex woke up the next morning, she lifted the blanket to take a look at herself. She groaned into her pillow when she saw that she was still in Kara’s body. This couldn’t be real. How was she supposed to imitate Kara? She couldn’t do the smiley face all day.

Alex got up and dragged herself into the shower. It was definitely weird to do this while not being in her own body.  
“At least I’m still a woman,” she mumbled to herself and continued to wash her hair.

 

The day was passing by relatively uneventful. Alex and Kara were at the DEO and tried to stay under the radar. They didn’t need everybody to know about this.

There wasn’t any progress with the alien tech. Winn assumed it was valoritan, but that was a species they barely knew anything about.

 

Alex was enjoying her second breakfast and Kara was angrily staring at her. She’d forbidden her sister to stuff unnecessary amounts of unhealthy food into that body. Kara had already refused tot train with the other agents because apparently ‘exercising was hard.’

It had been a few days since the accident and Winn promised them, he would be ready every day now. Alex was fed up. The kryptonite necklace still made her feel weird and she had to deal with Lena almost daily.  
She’d come by a few times, trying to help them with their problem, but she also had no idea how to solve this riddle. And when Alex didn’t have to play Supergirl in front of Lena, then the CEO texted her a lot, asking for brunch. Alex tried to cancel without feeling guilty.

“Can you please spend time with her a little more?” Kara asked her again. “Lena is really important to me and I don’t think she has anybody else who drags her out of the office.”

Kara’s pleading look made Alex finally give in. Kara even got the food for them and then Alex made her way to L-Corp.

Alex would probably never get tired of the way Lena’s eyes lit up once she laid eyes on her. (‘Once she laid eyes on Kara’ the tiny voice at the back of her head said, but Alex decided to ignore it for the moment. She had more important things to think about.)

“Hi, I come bearing gifts.”

Lena quickly got up and pulled Alex in for a tight hug.

“It’s an apology for bailing on you. Again.”

“Oh, that’s okay. I know you’re busy,” Lena said and started unpacking the food. “You even brought me a kale smoothie!”

Alex smiled and leaned back. Kara had done all the work here, but it was surprising how easy it was to make Lena smile.

“So how is that article you were working on?”

Alex sipped her water. There it was again. She had no idea what the article was about. She should listen to her sister’s rambles more often.

“Uhm Snapper didn’t like it so I’m rewriting it,” she answered. That was probably something that would happen, because she knew Kara’s boss was an idiot.

They fell into light conversation about bosses and not being appreciated enough.

Lena smiled as she sipped on her green smoothie.

“Can I try that?” Alex asked half lost in her head.

“You want to try my kale smoothie?”

Shit, Lena’s face was now more than confused and just a little amused.

“Uhm no… I’m just joking.”

Lena stared at her for a little while longer and Alex tried changing the topic again.

“So tomorrow the new natural science exhibition opens in town and I thought we could go together?”  
Alex had wanted to go anyway and maybe it would be nice to have some company for a change. She wasn’t lonely per se, it was just hard to find someone with the same interests.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

“What? No complaining about how you have to work?” Alex chuckled and popped the last potsticker into her mouth (she was really turning into Kara).

“Nope, tomorrow will be just me and you. Work can wait.”

“Wow, I feel honored.”

“Oh, shut up,” Lena chuckled and Alex laughed out loud.

She had no idea where this was going, but it felt good.

 

 

For some reason Alex had been nervous about meeting Lena again all day. She'd talked to Kara and Winn in the morning, only to hear that there wasn't any progress. When Alex told her sister about her and Lena's plans, Kara seemed more than happy about it, rambling about all of Lena's favorite science-y things. Alex smiled, she couldn't wait for the afternoon to come. 

They were the only people their age at the exhibition. Most of the visitors were way past fifty. They passed one school class and Alex quickly grabbed Lena’s hand so they wouldn’t lose each other in the crowd.

“It’s sad that all these kids look so bored,” Alex said once they were walking next to each other again. “Dragging them around here isn’t really the right way to show them how fun science can be.”

“I thought for you the glass is always half full,” Lena chuckled slightly.

“Well actually the glass is completely full. Half with water and half with air,” Alex said before she could contain herself. This was such an un-Kara-like thing to say, but Lena laughed so she guessed it was okay.

They walked a few steps into the next section when Alex realized that she was still holding Lena’s hand. There was no reason to let go of it now, so Alex kept holding it and smiled to herself. They came to a stop in front of different atom-models.

“What are you thinking about?” Lena asked and softly bumped her shoulder into Alex’s.

“Why can you never trust atoms?” Alex asked and Lena gave her a confused look. “They make up everything!”

“Seriously?”

“Yep,” Alex proudly smiled. That one had been stuck in her head for some time. It didn’t matter that she was acting un-Kara-like again, it was easier to just be herself.

“I have a lot of bad science puns from Alex. She tells them all the time and they get stuck in my brain.” Alex was back at bringing her name into this. She wanted to hang out with Lena after this was all over and maybe she could ‘wingman’ herself just a little.

“Then tell me some. I’m dying to hear them,” Lena said with a wink and Alex felt herself thrown off balance for a second.

“Did you hear oxygen went on a date with potassium? It went OK.”

Lena just shook her head with a grin on her face.

“I wish I was adenine, then I could get paired with U.”

“Oh, wow that’s cheesy,” she laughed and Alex cheered inside.

“Let me guess, you had to make these bad chemistry jokes because all the good ones Argon.”

Alex spluttered out a laughter. “Okay okay, you definitely win. I’m horrible at this.”

Lena grinned and pulled Alex further to look at an info chart.

Another group of people passed by them and Lena took a step closer to Alex to let them through.  
She hadn’t expected that one step closer basically would mean that she ended up in Alex’s arms. The taller woman looked down to meet Lena’s eyes. They were closer to each other than ever before and Alex had no idea how they’d gotten here. Her eyes flicked down to Lena’s lips and then back up.  
A smile spread on Lena’s face, but then suddenly an old lady jostled her from behind. Alex steadied her with both arms as the lady complained about them standing in the way. 

“Well isn’t she a gentlewoman,” Alex scoffed and as the lady turned back to them with an outraged look, Lena broke into a loud laughter and they hurried away.

They spend a few more hours at the exhibition. Alex tried to turn down her knowledge a little, letting Lena talk most of the time.

It was only when they went towards the exit that Alex let go of Lena’s hand to open the door for her.  
She instantly missed the warmth and was surprised at how normal it had felt.

“This was a great idea. Thank you for this.”

“There is nothing to thank me for,” Alex smiled. “You’ll even hope you’d never joined me in the first place because I just came up with another joke.”

“It can’t possibly get worse.”

“You sure about that?” Alex laughs and Lena just grins at her.

“Okay hit me. What’s the worst one you have?”

“Girl, you’re so hot you denature my proteins.”

Lena shook her head in disbelief before she broke into a loud laughter.

“One could think you’re making a move at me with all those bad pick-up lines.”

“Oh Miss Luthor, I would never,” Alex said fake offended, even though she wasn’t sure if that had been true. She shook her head for a second. Her only mission was to make Lena smile. Everything else was unimportant.

“So, what do you think about dinner tomorrow? Then you can make it up to me, you know?”

“You really are something,” Alex chuckled. “Sure, my place at seven?”

“Sounds good.”

And then Lena went to hug her again, with one of these tight hugs that felt as if she was scared that Alex could slip away if she didn’t hold on tight enough. Alex melted into her arms. She knew hat Lena thought she was hugging Kara, but Alex pushed that thought far away to the back of her mind, because she wanted to live in this dream world just a little longer.

 

 

Alex’s day wasn’t going well. There had been a Supergirl emergency that morning. A car crash had two people stuck in the wrecks and she’d tried to get them out. It turned out that without her kryptonite necklace a car was way lighter than she’d have expected. The car she’d wanted to lift up was thrown a few feet into the air and Alex barely caught it again.  
Still, she got the man out safely and handed him to the paramedics. He was only a little shaken up. But then Alex had tried to put out the small fire with her freeze breath and accidently covered the whole sidewalk in a thick layer of ice.

The media quickly noticed and came up with more than a few articles about a super-confused Supergirl. 

After that she went back to the DEO where she almost broke one of Winn’s ribs because she ‘softly’ pet him on the back. Then she had to listen to Kara ranting about her sore muscles and how horrible being human was. Honestly, Alex couldn’t wait to be human again.

After all of this she completely forgot about dinner with Lena. Shortly after she got home there was a knock on the door and Alex used her x-ray vision to see Lena with a bottle of wine. With almost super speed she put on some pants. Kara’s clothes were one of the things driving her crazy. There weren’t that many dark clothes in her closet and Alex was more than sick of the pastels. They did look good on Kara’s body, but still. Nothing against a simple black shirt.

Alex opened the door with a rushed “Hi!”

“Hey, am I too early?” Lena asked with the always present smile on her face.

“No, I just got home a little late. Please come in.”

She opened the door wider and took the bottle of wine out of Lena’s hands. She told Lena to make herself comfortable as she poured them some wine.

They sat down on the couch and ordered some food, before Lena started ranting about her day. Alex was listening closely as always. She’d never thought that she would get along so well with Lena. 

The small angry voice at the back of her head told her that it was only because Lena thought she was talking to Kara. Alex shushed the voice again. This wasn’t the right time to deal with this problem.

 

Their food arrived and they picked a movie to watch, which wasn’t easy because Lena was fine with everything, but Alex didn’t want to watch anything of Kara’s usual favorites. They ended up watching a random chick flick, talking over it most of the time anyway.

“It’s something different to see you eat healthy,” Lena said as she looked at Alex’s vegetable noodles.

“Even I need some vitamin sometimes,” she chuckled nervously.  
The truth was that Alex was more than sick of eating greasy or sugary food. Sure, she loved pizza and donuts every now and then but everybody expected Kara to eat nothing other than that.

“That body can’t come from sugar only,” Lena mumbled but Alex heard her anyway and instantly choked on her food.

“What?” she coughed out.

“Nothing, uhm… I said I bet you wouldn’t try my salat.”

“And what makes you think so.”

“There is kale in it,” Lena said playfully provocative.

“You know I can’t back down from such a challenge.”

Alex leaned over, put a fork full of kale in her mouth and happily chewed it.

“Who are you and what did you do to Kara?” Lena asked with a laughter, while Alex almost choked again. She really had to think before she did something! Why was she so distracted?

Alex picked up the wine bottle from the table and filled up their glasses. If she was somewhere else in her mind than at least she could make Lena a little tipsy. Then maybe she wouldn’t notice any further slip ups.

They had almost emptied the first bottle before Alex realized that normal alcohol couldn’t get her drunk. She groaned internally. 

This really was the worst.

 

One benefit of still drinking more was definitely that Lena got more and more relaxed with every glass. Alex got them some water and then they started a new movie. Once she’d sat back down, Lena scooted closer and placed her head on Alex’s shoulder. Alex slid lower and tried to throw a blanket over the two of them.

“Are you okay?” she whispered to the brunette.

Lena softly nodded, “Just sleepy.”

“We don’t have to watch another movie if you’re too tired.”

“No, I want to. And I’m too comfy to get up now,” she mumbled and scooted even closer so that she was almost lying on top of Alex. 

Alex smiled to herself as she softly stroked Lena’s smooth hair, while listening to the movie. Only listening because her eyes were focused on Lena’s face. 

Somehow, she had spread out on top of Alex without her noticing it. Alex’s eyes couldn’t let go of Lena’s sleeping figure. Her face seemed so free of worry, which made her look even younger than normal. Alex had no idea how old Lena was. It was a hard thing to guess, especially because CEO Lena was at least 10 years older than tipsy movie night Lena.

The movie was over quicker than Alex would’ve thought. She hadn’t paid attention to it at all. Softly, she tried to lift Lena’s head off of her but the brunette woke up anyway. 

“What time is it?” she asked with a raspy voice that send a shiver down Alex’s neck.

“I don’t know. Late.”

She gulped down the rest of her water before turning back to Lena.

“Do you uhm… do you want to stay here or sleep in my bed…”

Lena was already getting up from the couch.

“What we’re not sharing the bed like always? You don’t want me in there anymore?” she chuckled, but Alex could see that there was some hurt behind her words.

“No! I just meant you look comfy here so you can stay here but you’re already up so let’s go to bed.” 

Lena quickly stumbled to the bathroom before slipping under the covers next to Alex. Apparently, Lena knew where Kara kept her pajamas. Now she was wearing the pair with the tiny sushi roles on them and Alex had to grin. 

After a few seconds of silence, Lena’s hand searched for Alex’s and she tightly squeezed it. It didn’t happen very often to Alex that she shared an intimate moment like this with anyone. But she simply closed her eyes and decided to enjoy it, letting Lena’s soft breathing lull her into sleep.

“You really are my best friend, you know that?” Lena whispered next to her. “I mean you’re my only friend but if I had more than one, you’d still be my best friend.”

“You’re my best friend, too.” And out of all the things Alex could say about Lena, this was the one thing that just wasn’t right in any way.

 

 

The morning came faster than expected. The first rays of sunlight woke Alex up, quickly recharging her cells. During the night Lena had curled up next to her. It seemed cliché, but Alex had to watch her sleep. She looked even softer in the warm morning light.

Her phone rang and ripped her out of her head. She quickly answered, hoping it wouldn’t disturb Lena.

“Yeah?” she whispered into the phone.

“Alex? It’s Winn. I solved it! I found a way to reverse the effects of the gun!” he cheered loudly.

“For real this time?”

“Yep, I’m kinda proud of myself,” Alex could her him laugh. “Come by this morning okay?”

“Yeah, sure. See you later,” she said quietly and ended the call. Lena was still soundly asleep next to her. Alex let out a shaky breath. 

Why now? Why did this have to happen? Of all the things that could possibly happen to her on her job it was the one thing that ended up breaking her heart.

She scooted a little closer to Lena, who instantly pulled her arm around Alex. At least she could enjoy this for a few minutes before she would go back to her own life.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back!  
> I'm a sadist, I want to see you all cry. (It's not that bad, don't worry)  
> And now enjoy Alex dying inside while little to no plot happens.

Alex and Kara sat in the lab once again, waiting for Winn to finish applauding himself. As far as they knew, it had been Lena who had figured it out in the end but with only one look at each other the Danvers’ sisters had agreed to let Winn have this moment.

“I knew what I did wrong the first time, I tried to reverse it but you two were already reversed- or like your minds were- so I simply should’ve reversed you again.” 

“So you’re telling me that you needed weeks to figure out that you just had to push the same button again?” Alex asked, crossing her arms in front of her chest.

“It’s not as easy as that.”

“Uh huh,” she scoffed. After all that had happened, there was just no energy left to argue now. Not even a little to make fun of him.

“Are you guys ready?” Winn asked and both women nodded.

Alex wanted to scream no with every fiber of her body. She wasn’t ready to go back. Being herself again would mean that she and Lena barely were acquaintances. And acquaintances didn’t cuddle at movie night. Or shared a bed with each other.

Alex let out a sigh. After all she had no choice. She couldn’t live as Kara forever.

 

 

“I can’t wait to see Lena again. I miss her,” Kara said mouthful of donuts. She had barely been in her own body for two seconds before she bolted out to get all the sweets she could find.

“I had a movie night with her yesterday. So, you know, I took good care of that… friendship,” Alex said with a slightly nervous chuckle.

“Thank you, Alex. You’re the best sister!”

They made their way outside. Alex had given Kara and herself the day off. They’d definitely earned it.

“Hey uhm, quick question: Do you and Lena normally cuddle during movie nights?”

“Of course! That’s the best part of it!” Kara grinned and got the third donut out of the box.

“Okay, just wanted to know I guess.”

They walked in silence for a second until Kara suddenly dropped the box of donuts.  
“Shoot, there is a fire at the docks. I have to go,” and with that she shot up in the air and was gone. 

Alex shook her head, it was unfair that it looked so easy when Kara was doing it.  
She picked the donut box up from the ground and went home. She didn’t even have a plan what to do. In some way she just felt empty inside and had no idea where it was coming from. (Or she did know and didn’t want to admit it to herself.)

 

 

Kara’s day off had unexpectedly turned into loads of work for Supergirl, which was why Alex decided to steal Kara’s plan and bring Lena lunch.

Alex softy knocked on the door and stepped inside the office. Lena was lost in her computer screen, which was why she didn’t notice that someone had entered her office.

“Earth to Lena,” Alex said softly. It still made Lena jump in surprise and Alex had to hold back her laughter.

“I didn’t expect you here,” the brunette chuckled.

“I can tell,” Alex winked. “I know I’m not Kara, but I brought you lunch. It’s a thank you for your help in switching me and Supergirl back.”

“Oh, so it worked? You’re you again?”

“Yep, as me as I can be,” Alex cringed internally. She had no idea what she was saying.

“Well, I’m happy to help. Even though I barely did anything.”

She walked over to join Alex on the couch, who was already unpacking the different boxes of food.

“Well, Winn said it was you who gave him the idea so I guess you did help.”

Lena smiled and her cheeks blushed just a little. At least she showed the same reaction to compliments, no matter who they were coming from.

“So how was it? Having superpowers I mean?”

“More exhausting than you’d think,” Alex laughed. It wasn’t even a lie. “Of course, it was fun, especially being able to fly, but I wouldn’t want to switch again.”

They talked a little more about Winn and the danger of alien tech in his hands. The conversation flowed easily, as if it had never been different.

When Alex had to leave again, one question was still stuck in her head.

“Are we friends?” she blurted out. So much for phrasing it nicely.

Lena stopped and turned back to her. Her eyebrows furrowed.

“I don’t know. Are we?”

A strong blush crept onto Alex’s cheeks. 

“I have a feeling we’d get along pretty well. So yes, I’d like to be friends.”

Alex almost felt proud for getting out one correct sentence without making a fool out of herself.

“Good, I feel the same way,” Lena answered with a smile and Alex couldn’t be happier. She quickly said goodbye and was out of the door.  
Maybe this would work. She and Lena would become friends and maybe someday they would become even more.

 

 

It wasn’t until the weekend that Alex and Lena saw each other again. They were over at Kara’s for game night, the first one in weeks.  
Winn and Kara were loudly discussing the best pizza toppings and Alex found herself waiting for Lena to arrive. It was weird. She was nervous. She was never nervous!

When Lena finally entered the apartment, they were already into the first round of Mario Cart. Alex got up from her seat on the couch to greet Lena. She gave the brunette a quick hug but instantly pulled back as she felt how Lena stiffened.

“Sorry,” Alex mumbled. Right, she wasn’t Kara anymore. They didn’t hug.

“Oh no it’s okay!” Lena assured her. “You just took me by surprise.”

Alex shot her a small smile and then handed her a glass of wine. Kara finished the game with a big cheer and instantly jumped up to greet Lena. They gave each other a long hug, during which Lena closed her eyes in a smile. Alex could feel the crack in her heart. Quickly, she gulped down her wine.  
Everything was going to be just fine and if she told this to herself often enough then maybe she would believe it.

Naturally, everything was not just fine. Alex had to endure hours of Lena throwing heart eyes at Kara. Some gentle touches here, a soft nudge there and Kara didn’t even acknowledge it. Her head was too much in the game. While Lena tried getting Kara’s attention, James was trying to get Lena’s attention. Both seemed to fail. Alex was watching it from the outside, not taking part in any of the games. Her head was already too fuzzy. 

She observed them from across the room. The way Lena was looking at Kara broke Alex’s heart even more, because this was the look, she received only a few days earlier. Now she’d never get this back. Lena wouldn’t look at her like that. She only had eyes for Kara and maybe that was the reason she didn’t see the tears welling up in Alex’s eyes.  
What had she done to deserve to feel this way? And more importantly, when had she become so emotional? She quickly excused herself to the bathroom, trying to hide the redness of her eyes. Just because she felt down, didn’t mean she had to pull everybody else into her hole. They didn’t deserve that. (And neither did Alex.)

The night was slowly drawn to a close. Winn was the first one to leave, because he had to be up early for a new project at work. When Lena had to leave shortly after that, she gave Alex a quick hug followed by a warm smile. It took Alex by surprise, but it also filled her heart with some hope. The redhead shot a smile back and wished Lena a good night before closing the door behind her.  
Finally, she let out the breath she’d been holding for some reason.

 

 

_Do you want to grab lunch sometime?_

Just a small sentence, a quick question, nothing big. Alex had typed and retyped it a few more times than necessary. She’d had lunch with Lena before. And once it had even been in her own body.  
Alex took a deep breath and clicked on send before she could think about it any longer. It took about half a second for her to regret her decision. Hastily, she put her phone away and looked for something to distract her thoughts. The was no reasonable explanation as to why this was so hard for her. Or maybe there was but Alex wasn’t sure if she was ready to admit that yet.  
She liked Lena. Liked her more than she could’ve imagined. And that was it.

Her phone chimed and Alex hurried towards the kitchen to check it.

_Sure, tomorrow okay?_

Relief flooded her body and she smiled to herself.

_I’ll pick you up at noon._

Another text came through, giving her the okay and Alex’s smile got even wider. She couldn’t wait for tomorrow to come.  
But until then she had to figure out how to behave normal around Lena.

 

 

Alex arrived at L-Corp five minutes early. Jess told her Lena would be out of her meeting any second and Alex waited with a smile. She was excited at just the thought of seeing Lena today.  
When the CEO emerged from the conference room in her power suit, Alex’s breath got stuck in her throat. Her excitement turned into nervousness. Lena’s furrowed brows were replaced by a warm smile as she spotted her ‘new’ friend.

“Hey, you ready to go?” Alex asked and Lena nodded and quickly grabbed her purse.

They went to a small restaurant around the corner from L-Corp. Alex almost ordered a large portion of potstickers, before she remembered that she could eat whatever she wanted. This body swapping thing really had affected her brain more than she’d thought.

“I think I’m taking the kale salad on the side,” Alex winked at Lena as she closed the menu. What she got back was a soft chuckle.

“Did Kara tell you about this?”

“She did, and actually I have to say I understand why you like this green stuff. It’s great.”

Lena threw her a surprised glance before her attention was back on the menu. Alex just smiled, because she couldn’t help it. A little ‘wingman-ing’ herself wouldn’t hurt anybody.

 

The conversation flowed easily. Some of the stories weren’t exactly new to Alex and she had to remind herself a few times that this was all new information for her. As she dug in her kale salad with a happy smile Lena couldn’t help but laugh out loud.  
Who could’ve known that it was that easy to be around her? Alex had thought she would need weeks to crack her open just a little but it seemed as if she had made some progress as Kara already.

Somehow, Alex had been able to avoid the topic of her sister better than expected. She just couldn’t handle hearing Lena swoon over Kara. Alex loved her sister and she knew that Lena was her best friend, but there was a part of her that wanted to keep Lena for herself.

After a few minutes of being lost in her thoughts Alex realized that Lena was quieter than usual. The brunette was starring at her plate with such intensity that she could burn a hole in it if she wanted to. Alex decided to not push anything and tried keeping the conversation flowing.

It took a while before Lena actually opened up about what she was thinking. She had been picking in her salat for a few minutes now, clearly lost in her head.

“Is everything alright with Kara?” she finally asked.

“Uhm yes, why?”

Lena sighed and shrugged a little. She chewed on a piece of lettuce before answering.

“She’s been acting weird lately.”

“What do you mean?” Alex asked softly. Her heart beat quickened. She truly hoped it wasn’t her fault. She hadn’t meant to change Lena’s view of Kara so much. A soft blush crept on Lena’s face and she smiled to herself before she spoke again.

“I thought we had a connection and suddenly she acts as if nothing happened.”

Alex almost choked on her soda and coughed for a few seconds.

“Uhm… I haven’t noticed anything. Maybe she just had a bad day or you’re interpreting too much into it,” Alex shrugged, hoping she wouldn’t get caught lying.

“I’m not imagining things, Alex.”

“Okay then tell me. What’s different now?” she asked, already suspecting a few things. She’d told Kara what they’d done in the time she’d spend with Lena. The more or less intimate details were left out in this conversation.

“She stopped making puns for example,” Lena chuckled bitterly and Alex’s heart was aching instantly. “She told me that she got them from you, you know.”

“Uh yes, I haven’t told her any new ones recently.”

“But she acts as if she doesn’t remember it at all.”

They were silent for a second. Lena chewed on her bottom lip, clearly troubled with how to phrase her thoughts. She looked confused and small and a little defeated.

“Can I tell you a secret?” she finally asked.

“We might not have been friends for very long, but I trust you Lena. And you can trust me, too.”  
She gave Lena a soft smile. A reassuring look to hide that she wasn’t sure at all.

“I think I have feelings for Kara. Romantic feelings. I think I’ve had them for a while but I only recently noticed.” Alex’s heart skipped several beats. She tried to smile at Lena. “She took me to an exhibition the other day and… and there was something between us,” she chuckled for a short moment, clearly lost in the memory. “And all of our movie nights… I’m sure… I just know she could feel it too!”

Alex’s eyes were fixed onto Lena. She wanted to scream, wanted to cry and shout with all of her heart “It’s me!” But she couldn’t. So, she just sat there in silence, blinking her eyes quickly to avoid showing any tears.

Alex noticed that it had been silent for a little too long and that it was her turn to say something, but she wasn’t sure if she could do that without breaking into tears.

“Uhm I-“ her voice cracked and she cleared her throat a few times. “I know that Kara really likes you. I don’t know if she likes you as more than a friend or not, but… but if you want, I can help you find out.” She managed a halfhearted smile. It was only due to the years of interrogation training she’d received at the DEO that Alex could say this without breaking into tears.

“You’d do that?” Lena’s eyes lit up in a hopeful way.

Alex answered with a short nod and something that could almost be seen as a smile. There were so many reasons for her not to help Lena, but above all of them was the fact that Alex just wanted to see her happy, because everything else would break her heart even more.

“You’re truly amazing you know that?”

“I’ve been told.”

Lena chuckled and eventually continued eating her salat. It looked as if she’d found her appetite again. The rest of Alex’s meal remained untouched. There was no way she could eat anymore.

Lena started talking about a different topic. Something about her next meeting coming up. Alex listened closely, because it was an easy way to distract her thoughts. She could do this.

A thought that hadn’t occurred to her until now was that this was her sister they’d been talking about. Did this make Alex a bad sister? That she liked the girl who liked Kara? That she had a crush on Kara’s best friend? She tried not to think about it too much. She already was a bad friend to Lena and a liar and there was only so many things she could handle at once.

 

 

A few days later the DEO needed help with a new alien threat that involved lethal technology. Obviously, Alex didn’t want Winn to handle the tech all on his on (for known reasons). Therefore, she called in Lena, asking her for help. The CEO was more than happy to stop by.

They’d been at it for hours without finding any solution. Alex had suggested a coffee break so only five minutes later they were sitting on the floor in the lab, happily sipping their coffee. Somehow, the silence turned into a talk about Kara. Something that Alex had dreaded the whole time.

“I’ve been trying to flirt with Kara, but she doesn’t seem to get it,” Lena said with a sigh.

“What level of flirting are we talking? Like your usual eyebrow thing or did you bring the big guns?”

Lena giggled a little and blushed. The sight made Alex’s heart melt.

“I’ve tried everything. So many compliments and gentle touches here and there. I even made some suggestive comments, which I normally wouldn’t do.” 

“You should just ask her on a date. Maybe then she gets it,” Alex shrugged.

“And if she doesn’t? Maybe you haven’t noticed but your sister is the most oblivious person in the world.”

Alex snorted into her coffee. If that wasn’t the full truth…

“Just give her that look with these soft puppy eyes of yours and ask her on a date. Nobody can resist your beautiful- uhm… Nobody can resist that.”

Her cheeks blushed a deep red and Alex hoped that Lena hadn’t noticed the slipup. The confused look on Lena’s face told Alex otherwise and she quickly continued talking.

“Uhm… there is this new movie coming out this weekend and Kara told me she wanted to go see it. You could take her,” Alex offered in a (hopefully) nonchalant voice. “Then you take her to dinner, drop the word ‘date’ and you should be fine.”

Lena thought about it for a second, taking a long sip from her coffee.

“That actually sounds like a good idea. Thank you, Alex. You’re a great friend.”

The redhead forced herself to smile. There it was again. She had been friend-zoned, and if Alex was honest then it had been her own dumb self that had put her there.

 

 

Alex knew that Kara and Lena had been on their movie date and that Kara still didn’t know what was going on. Lena was slowly getting mad at Kara’s obliviousness and Alex hated herself more and more every day, while she helped Lena getting closer to Kara. It were the small things that bothered her the most. The fact that Lena spent her only break of the day with Kara. The fact that Kara could make Lena smile by just being there and doing nothing.

It bothered her that sometimes, when she was alone with Lena, she forgot that it wasn’t her who Lena was interested in. She found herself so lost in the idea of being with Lena that she even forgot she was supposed to help them get together.

_“What is the most romantic thing someone could do for you?” Lena asked and took another sip from her smoothie._

_“I don’t know. I usually hate this cheesy romantic crap.”_

_“But?”_

_Lena just grinned at her and Alex rolled her eyes. How in hell could she read her so well? It was impossible!_

_“But I think the most romantic thing someone could do for me is to name a star after me. It’s something I’ve wanted so much when I was a kid and I still love the idea of it.”_

_She looked up to see Lena’s surprised smile._

_“Forget I said anything that sounded so cheesy,” she tried brushing it off but Lena stopped her with a hand on her arm and a soft laughter._

_“That actually sounds really sweet, you know? I’m trying to find something that screams romantic so I can surprise Kara with it,” she explained and within a second the smile dropped from Alex’s face. Lena could’ve ripped her heart out and trampled on it and it would have felt similar to this._

_She sighed and tried to smile or at least keep her face neutral as Lena kept on talking about Kara._

 

 

One morning Supergirl had saved a family from a fire but hadn’t been fast enough to save their dog as well. Kara was completely drenched in tears afterwards. Alex hated seeing her sister like this. She hugged her as tight as she could for what felt like hours, and did the only right thing.

_Kara had a tough day at work. Maybe you can bring her some comfort food?_

After some inner debate, Alex send the text with a sigh. She was trying so hard to make this work and she didn’t even know why. Probably, because she would do anything to make Lena happy. Even if it would eventually kill her. And Lena was one of the only people in the world who could make Kara smile again, and even if Alex hated herself in that moment, she still wanted to be there for her sister.

_I’ll do that. You’re the best ;*_

Came the response after only a few seconds. Alex sadly smiled at the kiss emoji.

“I could be so much more,” she mumbled to herself. She dropped the phone and opened a bottle of wine for herself. This day just called for it.

 

 

The weekend after that, Alex and Kara finally had found time for a sister night again. For some reason, both Kara’s day job and her night job kept her more than busy lately. And also the fact that she spent every waking minute of her free time with Lena.

So on Friday evening they met at Kara’s place, ordered way too much takeout and spent their time yelling at dumb reality tv shows. Alex had to admit that she’d definitely missed spending time with her sister only one on one for more than just a few minutes.

What Alex didn’t like was the fact that Kara _finally_ had time to tell her about all the awesome things Lena recently wanted to do with her. 

“The other day we got so carried away at brunch that Lena missed a meeting. I think Jess hates me now,” she giggled and Alex smiled along.

“I bet Lena wouldn’t miss a meeting for every _friend_ ,” she said, putting emphasis on the last word for obvious reasons. “You must be special.”

“She doesn’t have that many friends so I guess I must be special,” Kara grinned. “I mean I’m not just friends with her because I think it is sad! I really like her and I wouldn’t give that friendship up for anything!”

Alex slowly nodded and sipped from her glass. She wouldn’t give that friendship up… Alex could have asked Kara a direct question weeks ago. Do you have romantic feelings for Lena? But she didn’t ask that, only partly because if Kara had feelings then maybe Alex had helped her realize them. That would mean that she would get to spend less time with Lena and Alex couldn’t imagine that. She still felt bad for it. After all she kind of hijacked Lena’s plan by not fully helping her, by only asking Kara indirect questions about Lena.

On the other hand, Kara really didn’t seem as if she felt more for Lena than friendship. If Alex had thought that Kara was just as emotionally invested as Lena, then she would’ve said something. But as it was now, she still wasn’t sure about everything.

She had gotten so lost in her thoughts that she’d missed what Kara had said. She asked a short ‘huh?’ causing Kara to chuckle.

“I said you and Lena have become friends, right?”

“Yeah actually… I really like spending time with her.” That was about the understatement of the year, but what did Kara know about that.

 

 

It was the next day, Alex’s day off. It somehow made this whole situation worse, because she didn’t even have work to distract her from her thoughts. Her thoughts, which consisted of Lena every minute of the day and Alex just couldn’t do it anymore. The brunette was always on her mind and nothing seemed to help against it.  
She’d hit the gym in the morning, training until her knuckles were bruised. It had helped for a while, but then once again, Alex found herself alone with her thoughts.

She was about to open a bottle of wine for herself, a nasty habit that had become worse over the past few weeks, when there was a knock at the door. Alex went over and opened the door to see a nervous Lena smiling at her, looking even better than usual (if that was even possible).

“Hey you, did we have plans?” Alex asked, not remembering anything.

“No, I’m just here so you can give me a pep talk.”

“Okay then, why don’t you come in and then you can tell me what I’m pep talking you about.” 

Lena chuckled as she stepped through the open door, and instantly went to plop down on the couch. Alex closed the door behind her friend and turned to Lena, still with questions written all over her face.

“I decided to be bold for once and just tell Kara about my feelings.”

Alex stared at her with wide eyes, no sound coming from her slightly opened mouth.

“Don’t look at me like that! You make me feel as if this is a bad idea.”

“No, no! I’m just surprised that’s all!” Alex assured her, only slowly picking up her own chin from the floor.

“It’s just that nothing I’ve tried seemed to work. She just doesn’t get it and I’m sick of this.”

Alex quickly nodded to show Lena that she was following, but in reality, she completely zoned out. Her stomach had just turned upside down. It was as if she couldn’t breathe, but at the same time got too much air all at once. Still, Alex continued nodding, almost managing to smile at Lena.

“So I’m doing this today. I’m a grown woman, if I like someone, I can tell them!”

Alex nodded again, forcing herself to smile. This was her friend after all, and she would support her friend, no matter what.

Most of the time, Lena was the one talking. She was more or less giving that pep talk to herself and Alex didn’t even have anything other to do than to agree with her every now and then. Lena was right, she was a grown woman, she probably knew what she was doing.

“Sorry to interrupt you, but this conversation has drifted off and I really can’t just listen to you swoon over my sister for longer than a minute.”

“You’re right, I’m just stalling. I’ll go now,” she grabbed her purse and rushed to give Alex a tight hug. The redhead soaked it in as if it was the last one she would ever get.

“Good luck,” she whispered and if Lena hadn’t turned around instantly, then she would’ve seen a single tear falling from Alex’s face.

 

Alex took a shaky breath in. Everything would be fine, eventually. She just needed some time. A quick thought came to her mind and she rushed to the door.

“Lena?” Alex called after her. The brunette turned around again, the smile still present on her face. It was all Alex needed to see. “Bring her sunflowers. They are her favorite.”

Lena responded by giving Alex an even brighter smile and a quick nod before she disappeared around the corner to the stairway.

Alex let out a shaky breath. So this was it. She tried to gulp down the lump in her throat and quickly closed her door. No need for the neighbors to see her crying.

 

 

“Make sure Kara is safe,” her mother had always said. Alex scoffed a little at the thought of it.  
Had she really come this far that Kara’s happiness was so much more important than her own. Alex felt bad for even thinking that, which gave her the answer she needed to hear. She’d dedicated her whole life to being a good sister to Kara and she couldn’t even stop for the sake of her own sanity.  
She drowned in the numbness the alcohol made her feel. She felt defeated. Torture she could take, but this was too much for her. Lena had broken her without even knowing it.

She imagined that right now Kara and Lena were sitting together with some food, watching a movie, cuddled close together. Alex tried to shake that thought, but it wouldn’t leave her alone. Lena giving cuddles to someone else, smiling at someone else, felt so wrong. Alex knew that she had no right to claim Lena’s smile, but if she could do it, she would. A dry sob made its way to the surface.

The worst thing was that Alex couldn’t even talk to Kara about it, because then she would have to tell her about Lena’s feelings and that she couldn’t do.

If she had bad luck, this would go on forever. Alex didn’t know what was worse, Lena forever trying to score a date with Kara, without success, or them actually dating. She gulped down the rest of her wine and stumbled to her whiskey cabinet. This called for more booze. She just couldn’t imagine Kara and Lena dating.  
Alex sobbed once again. She was a horrible sister to Kara. Instead of just moping around and being jealous, she should be supportive and happy for her. The feeling made her stomach turn. 

There was one thing that Alex definitely couldn’t handle and that was being a bad sister.

Alex was on a downwards spiral. Everything was getting worse and worse. Every time Lena smiled at Kara in that special way, Alex could feel the tear in her heart get bigger and bigger.

She decided to fuel her sadness with even more booze and sad music. She poured herself another glass and slumped down onto the couch. She stared up at the ceiling, trying to focus on anything other than the stinging feeling in her chest.

The first song hadn’t even started playing but the first tears started rolling down Alex’s face. She let out a shaky breath as she buried her face in the cushions. Soft sobs were escaping from her mouth as she listened to the soothing voice coming from the speaker of her phone.

 

_It’s impossible to get you off my mind. I think about a hundred thoughts and you are ninety-nine. I’ve understood that you will never be mine and that’s fine but I’m just breaking inside._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is "One day" by Tate McRae. It's gendered/straight but you should still check it out.  
> I hope you enjoyed! Please tell me what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to post this yesterday but I was drunk. Great excuse, I know.  
> Please enjoy this mess of angst and fluff!

Lena was lost in her thoughts so she didn’t see the person stepping out of the elevator. They bumped into each other and Lena dropped her purse and the flowers.

“Shit, sorry,” she mumbled and bend down to pick it up again.

“No, I- Lena!” Finally, Lena looked up to see the familiar face smiling at her.

“Hey Kara, what are you doing here?”

“Well, I live here.”

Lena chuckled softly, her cheeks turning a soft pink.

“I know, and I meant that I just came to see you.”

“Really? I’m on my way over to yours,” Kara laughed and then turned around to push the button for the elevator again. “I guess you can come up?”

Thankfully, the elevator ride was quick, because for some reason there was an unnatural silence between the two of them. Lena was nervous, more than nervous even. She couldn’t remember ever being in a situation like this.

“What are the flowers for?” Kara asked and it was the first time Lena remembered that they were still in her hand.

“They are for you,” she answered with a slight blush. “They kind of belong to what I’m here to tell you.”

Kara smiled as she accepted them, only a hint of confusion written on her face.

They managed to have a bit of small talk on their way up to the apartment and it only felt a little weird. Somehow, the nature of this whole conversation was off. The unspoken words were already looming over them.  
When they were inside the apartment, Kara was the one who spoke up first. She cleared her throat and said, “I have this really important thing I wanted to tell you.”

Lena could feel her heart beat quicken. Was this it? The moment she’d been waiting for? Kara would confess her feelings and that meant she actually liked Lena back!  
The brunette quickly nodded and shot Kara an encouraging smile.

“There is this thing about me that you don’t know and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, but I’m finally ready to say it.”

Lena nodded again. The anticipation was killing her.

“Okay, I’m- no wait,” she stopped herself. “Before I tell you, please don’t be mad that I kept it from you for so long. It’s not that I don’t trust you, I was just scared of your reaction.”

“Kara, I could never be mad at you.”

“I’m Supergirl.”

“You’re what?”

The words spluttered out of Lena’s mouth and she accidently dropped the glass she’d been holding. Within in a second Kara was crouching right next to her, Glass save in her hands.  
Kara got back up from the floor, a nervous smile on her face.

A soft ‘huh’ escaped Lena’s mouth and she turned her head left and right as if she was trying to see it. Then she reached out for Kara’s face, taking the glasses from her.

“Wow, they make such a difference.”

Slowly, she walked over to the couch, feeling as if she needed to sit down for a moment.

“Are you mad?” Kara softly asked and sat down next to her friend. It broke Lena’s heart to even see that look in her eyes.

Softly, she shook her head.

“No, I’m just surprised I guess,” she thought for a second, letting the new information sink in. “It makes sense, though,” she chuckled a little. “Wow, and I call myself intelligent.”

“Well, if everyone would just figure it out it wouldn’t be a secret identity,” Kara smiled at her. Her face was hopeful, having managed to survive the hardest part of this talk.

They were silent again. After a few moments Kara got up and got Lena a glass of Alex’s whiskey that she still kept in her cabinet. She knew her friend good enough to know that she needed it.

“To be honest, I thought you were going to tell me something different,” Lena finally admitted after a few sips of her drink.

“Okay and what would that be?”

Lena gulped down the rest of her drink. It was now or never. Kara had shared her secret so Lena could do it as well.

“I came here to tell you… that I’m in love with you.”

Kara’s chin instantly dropped down. “I didn’t see that coming,” she laughed out, but the moment she saw Lena’s hurt expression, she stopped. Softly, she placed a hand on Lena’s knee and smiled at her.

“I feel honored, but also it’s a little… surprising to hear that.”

“Really? After all the lunch dates, the movie nights, everything! You didn’t see this coming?”

She could feel that her eyes were tearing up. Crying was the last thing she wanted. It would be best to leave right now, as she still had her dignity, but Lena wanted clarity.

“I’ve always seen you as a really good friend. My best friend, obviously. But I never thought that there could be more.”

Kara had taken Lena’s hand into hers. She was looking as if she was genuinely sorry that she didn’t share the same feelings. This definitely didn’t help Lena, it only made her want to hide and never show her face ever again. She caught a few tears with the sleeve of her sweater, breathing in and out in a controlled way.

Gently, she let go of Kara’s hand and got back up. Still trapped in her thoughts she walked back and forth next to the couch, Kara’s eyes glued to her.

“There was this moment…” she eventually started. “The day we went to the science museum, there was this moment where I swear you wanted to kiss me. You would’ve done that if the old lady hadn’t interrupted us. You can’t tell me that I only imagined that.” 

Kara seemed confused for a second. Her mind was racing. Lena was still staring at her, clearly waiting for an answer. Suddenly, Kara’s eyes flew wide and she opened and closed her mouth a few times.

“Maybe you should sit down again,” she eventually said.

Now Lena was more than confused, but still obliged and sat down on the couch once again.  
It suddenly made sense to Kara. Her sister had been acting weird for weeks, always seeming somewhere else with her mind. And if her mind was present then she asked about Lena more than usual. The blonde smiled to herself and turned to Lena.

“So now you know I’m Supergirl, then I guess I can tell you this,” she stopped a second, waiting for a sign from Lena to continue. “A few weeks back there was an accident where Alex and I got hit by an alien gun and-“

“Oh my gosh,” Lena interjected. “Alex and Supergirl! I mean you and Supergirl, what? No, you and Alex! You switched bodies!”

Kara quickly nodded and waited for a second to let it sink in before she continued.

“Back then we had no idea how to deal with that and you didn’t know my secret identity and we couldn’t just go around and tell everybody,” she took a deep breath, hoping so bad that Lena wouldn’t hate her, or even hate both of them after she told her this.  
“I asked Alex to go to lunch with you and it was only supposed to be one lunch until we figured out a solution, but then it took longer than expected and Alex actually said she enjoyed spending time with you so I thought it wouldn’t be a problem. And now we’re back to ourselves and everything finally makes sense. You were acting a little weird, Alex was acting really weird and I had no idea why.”

She ended her story with a soft sigh. Lena was looking at her with wide watery eyes. She got up from her seat, walking back and forth. 

“I can’t believe it,” she mumbled quietly. “You lied to me!” she finally stopped and faced Kara again. 

“I thought you said you weren’t mad about me being Supergirl,” Kara asked quietly.

“I’m not mad about the Supergirl thing! I’m mad at that… this whole thing! You didn’t-“ Lena stopped herself, not sure if she was supposed to be mad at Kara or Alex or both of them so she just sat back down. Her mind was still racing. 

She cleared her throat and opened her mouth but didn’t say anything. There was just too much information all at once, a thing her brain usually could handle but this was different. She felt completely lost, trapped in her own spiraling thoughts of questioning everything that had happened in these past few weeks.

“So our trip to the science museum?”

“That was Alex.”

“The bad puns?”

“Alex.”

“You eating kale?”

“Oh, definitely Alex,” Kara chuckled and Lena didn’t know if she should laugh or cry.

She leaned back, letting out a shaky breath. Kara instantly hurried up with the promise to make her some tea, leaving Lena alone with her thoughts. The brunette closed her eyes for a second, trying to make sense of it all.  
She’d gone to the science exhibition with Alex instead of Kara. Her immense knowledge of it all did make sense now. And also the fact that she had been genuinely interested in Lena’s work. Lena smiled to herself as she thought about it. It had been a great feeling to have someone understand her science ramble. And the kale, of course the kale. Lena should’ve seen it coming. There was no way in hell that Kara would ever go near that. She tried to picture the moment from which on Kara had been the real Kara again. All of this did explain why Alex was suddenly so interested in being friends with her. 

Lena opened her eyes as Kara placed a warm cup of tea in her hands. The blonde shot her a big smile and sat in the armchair across from the couch. She knew that Lena had to figure it out herself, but she would be here in case she needed support. The brunette closed her eyes again, sinking back in her memories. 

“Wait, you don’t even drink red wine,” she said with her eyes still closed, remembering the movie night a few weeks ago.

“Nope.”

Lena sighed, Alex couldn’t be center of every special memory she had with Kara. Or maybe that was the point of it all. She’d had a sleepover with Alex… She’d had a sleepover with Alex! That was such an invasion of privacy and even worse, they had been cuddling all night while Lena had acted like a drunk baby! She groaned as the reality of it all sank in and went to take a sip of her tea, hoping it would calm her nerves.  
She’d cuddled with Alex instead of Kara. She’d wanted to kiss Alex instead of Kara. And the only question she was asking herself now was: Did it really make a difference?

“Lena, I got to be honest with you,” Kara broke the silence after a few minutes.

Lena quickly nodded, not sure where exactly this was going. It was too much for her to take in all at once and the fact that Kara still looked concerned wasn’t exactly calming.

“I understand that you’re mad at… us both I guess and that is completely valid and all, but I think my sister might be in love with you.”

 

 

x

 

 

Alex was still lying on the couch, her arm covering her eyes because they hurt from crying.  
How could she have been so dumb? Maybe she should go out and find another woman, take her mind off things here but it seemed pointless.

The redhead sighed and rolled over to get herself more whiskey with the hope that it would make her aching heart stop. She sat up and stopped in her motion for a second until her head stopped turning.

“How fast can you fall in love?” she asked herself out loud and then continued her thoughts in silence. ‘Seriously, how long does it take?’  
Alex let out a shaky breath. Her heart was beating way too fast even at the thought of Lena and she hated herself for it.

A few tears escaped her eyes. She wanted back, wanted to be Kara again if that was what it would take to just get this feeling back. The feeling of Lena smiling at her with this tiny spark in her eyes. Alex hoped and prayed that somebody would just turn back time so she could relive it again. Just once more so she could cherish every single moment.

She finally got up and went to the bathroom to splash some cold water into her face. None of her heartbreaks had ever been this bad before and Alex hated that she suddenly felt so weak. She needed to get her shit together again. 

It was exactly like this guy from this weird tv show had once said.  
We can’t choose who we like and who likes us. And in this case, she just had some bad luck, but she would get over it. Maybe, eventually.

 

 

x

 

 

Lena thought back and tried to remember. It sounded crazy, Alex being in love with her. Alex barely even liked her! She had played her! Acting like Kara to get information or whatever their stupid plan had been!  
But a lot had changed over the past few weeks and maybe there were… positive feelings involved. 

Even though every phase of her mind was telling her that this was impossible, it would explain Alex’s weird reaction whenever she asked about her love life. 

 

_“So the Neverland has ladies only night this weekend. Do you want to go?”_

_Lena asked with a nudge on Alex’s shoulder. They were at Alex’s apartment after game night. Everybody else had already left but Lena wasn’t tired so she decided to stick around a little longer. The redhead blushed a little and cleared her throat._

_“I don’t know. I’m not really in the mood for meeting anyone.”_

_“Why not? Didn’t you say you’d love to go out and dance again?” Alex just answered with a shrug. “I mean no pressure but,” she left the sentence open. Not wanting to give Alex the feeling that she had to say yes. They hadn’t been friends for long and Lena didn’t know if she was already in the position to say such things._

_“We only ever talk about my dating problems, it’s time to talk about yours,” Lena chuckled, but got more serious when she saw Alex’s face. The redhead looked at her with a nervous, almost panicked smile. It seemed as if she was hiding something._

_They looked at each other for a second, neither of them saying a word. Then Lena slowly raised one eyebrow and that was all it took for Alex to give in._

_With a groan the redhead threw her head back. So much for being able to withstand an interrogation._

_“There is this woman,” she started and Lena’s face lit up with excitement. “I recently spent a lot of time with her and I think I like her as more than a friend. But I don’t know if she likes me like that. I think she’s interested in someone else anyway.”_

_“You must really like her if you’re blushing like that,” Lena laughed and instantly Alex’s cheeks reddened even more. “Who is it?”_

_“You…,” Alex said and suddenly coughed really hard out of nowhere. “I mean… I mean you don’t know her,” she said, making it almost sound like a question. Her face was as red as a tomato. “She’s one of the new rookies at the DEO so you probably haven’t seen her around before.”_

_“A rookie? How cute,” she chuckled softly and Alex finally seemed to ease up a little. “Well, let me know if anything changes. I want to hear all the juicy details,” she said with a smile before turning her attention back to cleaning the table._

_With a slightly shaky voice Alex promised to do so. The blush still wouldn’t leave her face._

 

Lena sunk back into the couch, taking a small sip from the mug in her hands. There was no way Alex could’ve talked about her but if everything that Kara had said was true… 

Lena sighed again. There was no way that Alex Danvers had feelings for her.

 

_“I think Kara is a person I could grow old with,” Lena said and carefully put her cutlery down. Alex had brought her lunch once again because Kara had been held up at work._

_Alex looked over to her, shooting her a questioning look and waiting for more to come._

_“I’ve always seen myself being alone forever. No friends and all that aside but I liked being alone and I thought I would be alone forever and that was absolutely fine, but now there is Kara and for the first time in my life I feel like I found someone who I could endure for the rest of my live.”_

_Alex nodded slowly a halfhearted smile appearing on her lips._

_“I hope she sees it like that as well. Even if we’re just staying friends.”_

_“Everybody would be happy to be stuck with you.”_

_“Yeah?” Lena asked and Alex raised her head with wide eyes as if she hadn’t even noticed that she had said something. A small blush appeared on her skin and she shrugged._

_“I would be,” she said and shrugged again. “I don’t know if I can endure your annoyingly smart ass for the rest of my life but we can see if it works.”_

_Then she winked in the weirdest way possible and Lena had to laugh out loud._

 

But that didn’t mean anything. Alex had been nice to her. They were friends (even though in that moment Lena questioned that fact as well) so of course she would say something like that. Alex had clearly talked about staying friends forever.

“I don’t think that Alex is in love with me. It just makes no sense at all. And even if she is then I don’t care because she fucking lied to me and pretended to be you to get close to me!” Lena was almost shouting. Her hands were still shaking with anger.

“She just did it to protect me,” Kara said in a small voice. “All she ever does is protect me.”

Lena sighed again and kept silent for a minute. “I’m not even her type,” she eventually said.

“How do you know that?”

“I just know okay? I’ve seen the women she’s dated and I’m… I’m nobody’s type.” The second part of the sentence was more or less mumbled but of course Kara understood it anyway.  
Lena should’ve seen it coming. Super-hearing and all that. But it was true, she had needed so much encouragement from Alex before she even considered that Kara could be interested in her as well, but suddenly she was questioning it again.

Kara gave her a sad smile and walked over to sit down next to her friend again. Her eyes giving her a reassuring look.

“Look, I can’t tell you for sure if Alex has feelings or not, but what I can tell you is that you’re definitely her type. You’re the smartest person I know, you somehow understand her weird sense of humor and you can’t tell me that you don’t know how beautiful you are. What else could someone hope for?”

Tears welled up in her eyes but Lena refused to let them fall. The blonde pulled her in a hug and Lena let herself fall for a moment.

“Thank you, Kara,” she eventually said. “I’m sorry for making this awkward. I hope we can still be friends?”

“What are you talking about? Of course, we’re still friends! Nothing will ever change that, okay?”

Lena quickly nodded and hugged Kara again. For a second, she was asking herself if she wasn’t really in love with the blonde, but in that moment, she was more than confused about her feelings. She had no idea what to feel anymore.

“Okay so now you’ll drink the rest of your tea and then you need to go. There is someone else you need to talk to after all.”

 

 

Lena was standing in front of Alex’s apartment, her eyes fixated on the door before her. She’d arrived two minutes ago but didn’t feel ready to knock just yet. This whole day had been more than confusing, but now she was focused and determined.  
Kara had given her a rib-cracking hug and wished her all the luck in the world (and beyond) and if that wasn’t enough then what would be?

Lena let out a shaky breath and raised her hand to finally knock. She had no plan, no idea where this talk would be going, but she needed clarity and there was only one way to get it.

 

 

x 

 

 

There was a knock on the door and a new text coming in at the same time. Alex decided to look at her phone only because she couldn’t handle any kind of company right now. The brightness of her screen hurt for a second. It was a text from Kara and Alex blinked a few times so she could read it.

_I might have told Lena I’m Supergirl. Don’t be mad it was about time :)_

The redhead sighed again. Of course, Lena had told Kara about her feelings then Kara had revealed her secret and now they would live happily ever after.

There was another knock and Alex finally dragged herself over there. She opened the door just a little so she could see who was behind. It was Lena, dressed in an almost causal way, soft curls framing her face. She had her bossy CEO look on her face and Alex had no idea what that could mean.

They stared at each other for a second without saying a word. Lena looked Alex up and down for a second and her heart broke just a little more.  
Alex looked… sad. It didn’t seem like the right word to describe her, but she did look exactly like that. Sad. Broken. Betrayed. And Lena couldn’t help but think that it was partially her fault.

“Can I come in?” she asked after staring for a while.

Alex nodded and opened the door wider to let Lena in. Lena chuckled as she stepped through the door, taking in Alex’s pajamas in with a smile. They were cute, not as cute as the sushi roll pajamas, but close.

“Do you want a drink?” the redhead asked, her voice cracking. You could clearly hear that she had been crying.

“Yes, please,” Lena responded with a smile and took her coat off.

Alex got a clean glass for Lena and poured them both some whiskey.

“I thought… I thought you were over at Kara’s?”

Seeing the teary, broken look on Alex’s face almost made Lena’s anger vanish completely. Alex didn’t look like someone who used her for information or money, she looked even worse than Lena had expected.

“I was,” Lena answered and took a tiny sip. “I talked to her and then I realized that I was trying to confess my feelings to the wrong person.”

Alex’s eyes got big. Slowly, Lena reached across the table, taking Alex’s hands into hers. The redheads lower lip started to wobble, her eyes turning downwards as if she wanted to hide that she was crying.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Her voice was barely a whisper. A single tear dropped from Alex’s face into her lap.

“What should I have told you without revealing Kara’s secret?” Her voice was raspy, but quiet and she still didn’t dare to look up.

“But why did you still help me ask her out?” Lena asked, already suspecting the answer. She started pressing Alex’s hand even stronger as she saw more tears falling.

“You were so happy,” she finally got out. “And the most important thing for me is that you are happy.”

“Oh, Alex.” Before she could say anything else, Lena had rounded the table and Alex wrapped up in a tight hug. The redhead sobbed into her shoulder and Lena couldn’t believe that this was happening.  
Never before in her live had someone cared for her so deeply that they would sacrifice their own happiness for her. It all seemed so unreal. Softly, she stroked Alex’s back as she waited for the tears to stop.

Somehow, Lena managed to guide Alex to the couch so they could both sit down. They sat in silence, Alex slowly stopped crying and eventually went to the bathroom to clean her face. 

When she came back, it was the first time that she actually looked into Lena’s eyes again. Lena looked right back, seeing the puffy eyes from all the crying, the bags under her eyes from not sleeping enough.

“Are you okay?” Lena asked as Alex sat back down. She got a simple nod in response. Lena took in a deep breath. After all she wasn’t done with what she’d actually wanted to say.

“As you know, I went over to Kara’s place to tell her my feelings and then she told me that she’s Supergirl.”

“You’re going to have to sign so many forms,” Alex chuckled and it warmed Lena’s heart to even see this tiny hint of a smile.

“And after that we talked a little and my mind was literally blown,” she smiled at Alex, who gave her a soft nod.

“I came here to yell at you and tell you that I never want to see you again.”

Alex’s heart stopped for a few too many seconds and she looked shocked before the feeling of guilt crept over her body.

“I- uhm I understand that,” she mumbled, her eyes cast down.

“I’m not finished,” Lena answered and softly pulled Alex’s chin up, so the redhead was looking her into the eyes again.  
“I thought you had different reasons as to why you lied to me. I thought you were just like everybody else that I’ve ever encountered in my life. But honestly, you’d need to be a great actress to pull that off,” she chuckled slightly, throwing another look over at Alex.

“I’m sorry for lying. I wish I had a good explanation other than keeping Kara save but that is basically what I always do. And I don’t regret that.”

Lena leaned back into the couch and thought for a second. She was never one to trust people quickly, nor was she a person who trusted people again after they had betrayed her. But there was something about Alex that seemed so different and Lena couldn’t quite name it.

“I thought I needed some time to think about my feelings but driving here took me about ten minutes and then I saw the look on your face and that’s more than I needed.”

“Okay?” Alex asked, not quite sure where this was going.

“I thought I was falling in love with Kara, but in reality, it was you.”

“I know, that changes everything.”

“Actually, it doesn’t.” Alex finally looked up at Lena’s words, an almost hopeful look on her face.  
“I mean Kara is my best friend and of course I think she’s someone I could spend my life with. I know she’s attractive, and she really has her own dorky way, but it isn’t her body or her dorkyness that I fell in love with. It is your brilliant mind, your bold personality, your awfully horrible puns. It was the first time in my life that I got nervous whenever I got a text from someone.”

Alex gave her a wet chuckle. More tears boiled at the surface. “And yeah, maybe it helps that you also look hot, but that is absolutely not the point here.”

She looked over to Alex again, constantly checking in that the redhead was actually following her story. She had something important to say after all. There was only a hint of blush on her cheeks.

“The point is that I always wanted someone to understand my science rants, to understand my passion, to make me smile even if I have a horrible day and definitely someone who is going to call me out for how cheesy that sounded.”

“It does sound really cliché you know that?”

Lena chuckled softly, “Yeah I know.”

They sat in silence for a second, not an uneasy silence, but there were still some things left to say.

“And where does that leave us?” Alex was bold enough to ask. “I understand if you don’t want to see me again after all that has happened or if you need some time.”

“Well, I didn’t have enough time to buy a star for you, but I hope you’ll forgive me,” she chuckled to herself for a second, taking in the confused look on Alex’s face.  
“So with a slight change of plan, Alex Danvers; this is me declaring my feelings for you. I like you as more than just friends and I think you should know that.”

The redhead was looking at her like a deer caught in the headlights.

“Would you like to go on a date with me? Like a real romantic date where you are really you and I really know it is you?”

Alex was still startled, before she woke up from her stupor and almost shouted a “Yes! I mean yes of course I want to go on a date with you!”

Lena’s smile got even bigger. She pulled Alex in for a tight hug, fully wrapping her arms around her as if she never wanted to let go again. 

“But only if you really want to, you shouldn’t feel obliged or anything-“ Lena instantly silenced her with a finger on her lips. Softly, Lena smiled and cupped Alex face in her hands, stroking her cheek with her thumb and wiping away the last tears. 

“Yes, I really want to,” she whispered and looked Alex into the eyes with an intensity that even surprised herself. A small smile spread on Alex’s face and Lena slowly leaned in.

“Don’t, there is snot everywhere,” Alex mumbled against her lips.

“I don’t care,” Lena whispered back and pressed her lips against Alex’s and she instantly felt relief flood through her body.

It felt like everything was finally falling in place, as if everything was finally where it was supposed to be. Alex pulled Lena even closer, as if she was afraid that she could slip away every second. Lena deepened the kiss, laying all of her heart into it and Alex sighed softly. It seemed as if they fit perfectly together.  
Lena roamed her hands over the redhead’s back, just feeling her warmth, and held her close, because she never wanted to let her go again.

It was perfect. Perfect with just a little bit of snot.

 

 

When they finally were able to let go of each other for more than a second, Alex drank some water and Lena had some more whiskey so that they were on the same level and then they ordered some food and talked.  
Talked about anything that had been left unsaid, about unrequited feelings and insecurities, about proving Lena every day that her decision to give Alex another chance had been the right one, and at some point, they didn’t talk anymore.  
They didn’t talk because Alex was halfway on top of Lena, kissing her as if her life depended on it. Cupping her cheeks, tangling her fingers in her hair and just getting lost in the moment.

Lena ended up spending the night, because neither of them could be alone that night. As it turned out, Lena’s face fit perfectly under Alex’s chin and they held each other close all through the night. 

Alex sighed softly into Lena’s hair. It smelled like shampoo and just Lena and Alex found herself falling a little more in love. After all, she’d still need to make it up to Lena, to fully gain her trust again and that would take a while, but it would be worth it in the end. 

She let out another sigh and closed her eyes. And for the first time in weeks, her heart felt light.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed! Please tell me what you think!  
> Everything is going great in my life for once. Exam period is finally over and I got a fricking scholarship! I'm going to study abroad next semester and I'm so excited!  
> Also, I have more time to write now so if you have any prompts feel free to send them to me! (twitter @queergirlelle)


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